“I can’t grasp unstoppable love”
I wrote that in my journal the other day and since then, it’s
been stuck in my head.
JESUS LOVES YOU.
I said that over and over this past year…
It wasn’t until recently that I found out I really struggle
with His love. This past year He told me He loved me and I thought I might actually understand what that meant...
again, I thought I did.
What He showed me in the past year was just scratching the surface...
He loves me.
Not just in a gentle, sweet-father-hugging-his-daughter-after-falling-down-and-getting-scraped-up
way.
But a ferocious, powerful, unstoppable, I-laid-my-sons-life-down-for-you-and-you-spit-on-his-body-but-you-are-still-worth-it-all-to-me
sort of way….
that way, I don’t understand.
That kind of love is unheard of. What I was taught was to always have my hand of control in some part of relationships just in case.
“No one is perfect.. sometimes, people will fall short in your life”.
I think everyone has heard some rendition of that at least once in their life.
I learned pretty quickly when someone else falls short, you
take care of where they fell. If not, than it’s just two people falling instead
of one helping the other get back up.
Can’t really go anywhere with two people
down on the ground.
I realized, I have a hard time receiving love when I’m the
one on the ground.
I’m really good at helping the other person up. I’m really
good at always having some sort of control; some sort of “power”.
No, get this… don’t move past what this means:
I came home and began to fail. Not just with actions but
with thoughts and emotions. I failed Him over and over and over again. I knew
what I should do and I deliberately went the other way time and time again. I
was constantly on the ground with no power or control of getting back up…
He would come and lift me up again, than I’d fall.
He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I was
financially stable.. than I’d fall.
He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I had loved
ones by my side.. and I’d fall.
He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I had some
sort of comforts in life…
and I’d fall.
He would pick me up, brush me off and tell me how much He
loved me…
And I finally couldn’t take it anymore:
STOP IT GOD.
How can You do this? Don’t You see me pushing You away? Don’t You see who I am?!
Yes.
No, don’t do this ‘You are my daughter’ stuff You have to
see what’s happening...
I have more for you.
NO. What is wrong with You? How can You be so … I don’t
know, stubborn?
STOP. Listen to Me, love. You are My pride and joy. Do you not see everything that is around
has been created so when you discover even the smallest of flowers or the
tallest of mountains it is so I can see the smile on your face? I love hearing
your voice and seeing your face. You will push Me away but I will not leave
you. You will spit on My Sons grave and We will both embrace you. You cannot
hide from Me, you cannot get away. You are My Beloved and My love for you is
more than your love for Me will ever be and I will STILL PURSUE YOUR HEART.
Stop running. Men having fallen short for you in your life but that does not mean
you always have to be the strong one. Let me take care of you, no matter how terrifying
that is. Allow Me to love you more deeply. Let Me bring you to a place to where
your heart can finally heal.
Unstoppable love.
