Unstoppable.

“I can’t grasp unstoppable love”

I wrote that in my journal the other day and since then, it’s been stuck in my head.

JESUS LOVES YOU.

I said that over and over this past year…

It wasn’t until recently that I found out I really struggle with His love. This past year He told me He loved me and I thought I might actually understand what that meant...

again, I thought I did.

What He showed me in the past year was just scratching the surface...  

He loves me.

Not just in a gentle, sweet-father-hugging-his-daughter-after-falling-down-and-getting-scraped-up way.

But a ferocious, powerful, unstoppable, I-laid-my-sons-life-down-for-you-and-you-spit-on-his-body-but-you-are-still-worth-it-all-to-me sort of way….

 that way, I don’t understand.

That kind of love is unheard of. What I was taught was to always have my hand of control in some part of relationships just in case. 

“No one is perfect.. sometimes, people will fall short in your life”. 

I think everyone has heard some rendition of that at least once in their life. 

I learned pretty quickly when someone else falls short, you take care of where they fell. If not, than it’s just two people falling instead of one helping the other get back up.

 Can’t really go anywhere with two people down on the ground.

I realized, I have a hard time receiving love when I’m the one on the ground.

I’m really good at helping the other person up. I’m really good at always having some sort of control; some sort of “power”.

No, get this… don’t move past what this means:

I came home and began to fail. Not just with actions but with thoughts and emotions. I failed Him over and over and over again. I knew what I should do and I deliberately went the other way time and time again. I was constantly on the ground with no power or control of getting back up…

    He would come and lift me up again, than I’d fall.

He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I was financially stable.. than I’d fall.

He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I had loved ones by my side.. and I’d fall.

He would pick me up, brush me off and make sure I had some sort of comforts in life…

and I’d fall.

He would pick me up, brush me off and tell me how much He loved me…

And I finally couldn’t take it anymore: 

STOP IT GOD. 

How can You do this? Don’t You see me pushing You away? Don’t You see who I am?! 

Yes.

No, don’t do this ‘You are my daughter’ stuff You have to see what’s happening... 

I have more for you.

NO. What is wrong with You? How can You be so … I don’t know, stubborn?

STOP.  Listen to Me, love. You are My pride and joy. Do you not see everything that is around has been created so when you discover even the smallest of flowers or the tallest of mountains it is so I can see the smile on your face? I love hearing your voice and seeing your face. You will push Me away but I will not leave you. You will spit on My Sons grave and We will both embrace you. You cannot hide from Me, you cannot get away. You are My Beloved and My love for you is more than your love for Me will ever be and I will STILL PURSUE YOUR HEART. Stop running. Men having fallen short for you in your life but that does not mean you always have to be the strong one. Let me take care of you, no matter how terrifying that is. Allow Me to love you more deeply. Let Me bring you to a place to where your heart can finally heal. 

Unstoppable love.